5 Absolutely Essential Steps to Recovering from a Break Up.

May 31st, 2016 by Alison Dwight

5 Absolutely Essential Steps to Recovering from a Break Up.

Having experienced the entire process Myself Multiple Times as well as helping absolutely dozens of individuals ranging from age 14 to literally 80, probably One of the Most painful experiences in our existence is the Breakup! The loss of someone that you connected with, attached to, usually mentally, emotionally, physically and by default, spiritually.   You are in actuality Energetically Connected to this other being, particularly if you had an intimate relationship. So, of course, there is a disruption of your mental, emotional and physical body when there is a change, loss, vacancy. We can feel incredibly disturbed, lost, even desperate when this common and often repeating event happens in our lives

Here is the good news:

You are not alone. It is not rare. You will live and thrive! Please don’t go down the Rabbit Hole!!! I will show you how! Relationships like this serve one profound purpose on the spiritual and higher level…opportunity for Personal Growth, personal empowerment and lastly liberation.   How you say, actually you Shout in despair, maybe rage, maybe hopelessness! How do I feel better Now!

First on the lower level, you may Resist, Indulge in Fear, Regret, paranoia, anger…all the lies and devil’s playground that is so readily available. (don’t bite) tell the story over and over, try to “figure it out”, go through the “Crazy 8” of depression and then over the top to rage, anger and condemnation of the other and perhaps your Self. Although this is all part of human nature, it not only doesn’t work, it actually prolongs the process to liberation. So go ahead with this for a while (the unbearable sensation of suffering’s purpose leads us to Choose Growth!!) until you are ready to try the next step. You will know when, but please realize this is a natural response, but also is a form of “Indulgence” which only prolongs Suffering. Hammer on Thumb Hammer on Thumb Hammer on Thumb!!!

Next, Sit with what is happening. Actually relax your whole body from head to toe in a quiet space. Open your Arms Wide in a gesture of Allowing and Trust and non Resistance beautiful trusting Surrender if you will!  Thy Will..not My Will. Visualize breathing In to each spot of your body with your eyes closed starting from the entire brain, going down the physical body all the way to the toe. This process is to get you Out of your Mental Head and into the Body by focusing on the body and the breath. A form of meditation…yes. Now turn your head to the right and visualize the person and inhale Yourself out of them back into yourself as you turn your head to the left. Hold and then return toward the right visualization of person and exhale Them out of your mouth gently yet firmly. Energetically Cut (you can make a hand gesture to cut, scissors, smooth karate chop, etc) the energetic chord between you two. Repeat this over and over until you feel a disconnect. This is called “Recapitulation” in the Toltec Wisdoms. It is also used in Buddhism, The Tao, and Christianity. All different processes and different terms, same philosophy and result. Everything is Energy. Energy Flows and only Stays where it is Contained!

If you start to weep, realize this is a form of attachment and can be come indulgence. Do what you must. But repeat the process with the observer’s mind, Buddha mind, non attached, loving, connected to a higher power mind! You can do it!

By the way…this energetic shift can be felt by all, including the other and is a form of personal power Always!


Next Step. Get your Power Back! If you really break it down This Single Thing is the Most Important part of ANY break up. Including any type of breakup, rejection, abandonment, loss, friend, lover, boss, etc.

Get your Power Back!! Usually, actually almost ALWAYS a dynamic occurs where there is Conflict and then one person withdraws and the other person may also, but eventually one person will come Over the Imaginary line of equanimity to retrieve the other and this is where the power loss occurs!!! It Never works to cross the line.   A healthy relationship has both people meet in the healthy spot where Both people are able to retain their personal power and personal worth. Often a personal may try to get their power back in an unhealthy way by either aggressively or passive aggressively making a move to draw the other toward them. Don’t follow in this unhealthy way. Keep your Self. If there is a conversation to be had do this when you both are on solid and Loving Heart Centered Ground! I will talk about this in the next article I promise! Getting Your power back means get yourself together..Alone!! Get back to You! Do what it takes to strengthen yourself mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually. Here is how.


Rebuild Your Self. We resist this! Why!? It feels confusing, hard, maybe even unnecessary! But it is the Single Most important thing in your life to do Daily!!!!  This is the meaning of Self Love and Self Responsibility and Personal Power. All Extraordinary People that Create Do This! Here are the Steps.


  1. Be Alone yet Knowing with one call or email you can call, email, write. Don’t panic! Pass it! Don’t indulge! Don’t attach to these thoughts…they are energy…see them with soft focus and say out loud, “I am feeling X inhale it and exhale it and the energy flows away! Then the next comes up and say “I am feeling Y inhale and exhale with a detached mind. You are observing this thought come and go…go go! If it isn’t going…where are you resisting, holding, indulging? Try again. Observer’s mind. Not “You, your ego and your story”.   More later about this.
  2. Now, move your body. Change your physiology. Drop down and do pushups, burpees, star jumps, run in place, Dance!! with active inhale and exhale. Get outside. Move! You are fighting for Yourself.
  3. Turn on Music. No not Sam Smith or Ed Sheeran! Put on “C’mon” by Tiesto or something loud, aggressive, and move to it and sing at the top of your lungs in your house or car. Get it out! No love songs…what are your trying to do here!!
  4. Now, write, write your explanation, write your anger, write your remorse, whatever! Get it out of you and on a page and send it to You….or a friend. Send. Gone. Cut.
  5. Next Do You Boo!   What make you the biggest badass? Make a list and get going! Hair, body, clothes, make music, draw, paint, make deals, call and make appointments, get ideas and set up stuff and build build build!!!!!!
  6. Avoid telling the Story. Don’t re open the wound. You got it out in the writing. Write more if you need to. Don’t speak it to friends. Takes a lot of practice. Love yourself if you do, but realize everything is Choice and how does doing thes make you feel? Good? If so yes! Badly? You are not on this earth to feel Bad Ever Period!! That is the pain body, the saboteur, the Devil, The Ego. This is the Holy War that you are going to win by being aware and choosing to do things that make you feel good, empowered, loved.   You were Made to be an expression of Divinity!! Breath it out and let it pass. Where we focus we go and there is no power in focusing on it, him, her.
  7. Jedi Mind Tricks. Tell yourself you are awesome, amazing and that he or she is really missing you probably. If there is doubt, let it pass. Focus on the Self Build. This is all about YOU. Focus on You.
  8. Never wait. Waiting is the devil’s paradise. Move, and keep flowing any thoughts that feel bad. They won’t stay if you don’t contain them.
  9. You are Worthy. Right Now. Exactly as you are!. These are Not Words, this is the Truth!! This is Not Personal to You! What other people think or do is Their Path! Their Struggle! You can’t control the External World Ever. When you say out loud, I cannot control him, her, or any events, all I can do Is ME. Feel the power in that! Love that! You are free.


Everyone you meet throughout your life is on their Journey, their Path that comes with their birth and the experiences they have accrued on that path. If they see You and reflect the Divine you and you connect, this is serendipity and there is a Lesson here for you! Enjoy the ride. It is a wave, with its’ peaks and its’ trough…ride it, and then it comes again and again. Get the Lesson. The Lesson is Always about You. Your personal growth, your personal knowledge and empowerment. And, lastly it is about learning to Fully Unconditionally LOVE yourself without Needing anyone else to do this for you, but enjoying the Moments when others’ SEE You!







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